Loving Myself…Better
I love myself enough…to honor my healthy boundaries, as those boundaries are what I have developed to create my healthier, happy life.
Over the years of personal growth, identifying and acknowledging my lack of boundaries, I have changed and been quite vocal about the various changes I’ve made in all areas of my life, including the work I’ve done to develop and fiercely protect my boundaries and energy.
Many years ago, I did not have boundaries, let alone healthy boundaries. The choices I made and the people I welcomed in my life were a reflection of where I was energetically and I was simply making choices based on what I was taught, what I knew.
I was constantly being dumped on and felt like an octopus pulled in 8 different directions by people who demanded my time, attention, or energy. I felt like I never had time for ME and I couldn’t figure out what I was missing.
When I recognized I was not happy with these parts of my life, I began to recognize the difference between people who actually had my best interest at heart and would share about their life and ask me about mine vs the people who had only their interest at heart and repeatedly dumped on me or demanded I drop what I am doing for them, or demand I let them know I’m OK (vs letting them know how I am doing).
When people would dump on me, I would listen for a bit, and instead of just being sympathetic to whatever they were experiencing as I once was, instead, I pause, and ask them what they are going to do about it and how might I support what they’re doing about it. I got some funny looks… and some radio silence. And while that initial silence feels isolating, I quickly realized years ago, how much more peaceful my life is without bullshit, and I continued to make more changes that encourage and support the peace within my life.
For example, when someone asks you how you are doing and you share with someone that you’re going through some challenging times and focused on taking care of yourself, the only acceptable response should be in support of you taking the time that you need to take care of yourself. This includes responses along the lines of, “Let me know if I may be of support or help to you.”
That’s it.
Anyone who demands information, responds by dumping their drama on you, demands a reply at all or on their schedule, or tells you that it’s unacceptable, that person is quite likely a narcissist, and someone who needs to be immediately released, cut off, and cut out of your life, regardless of who they are or how long they’ve known you.
They may have another path of entitlement they have used to try to manipulate or control you, or to make you accountable for their emotional response or responsible for their choices.
When you share with someone that you are not in a place to talk to anyone, and they somehow think they’re excluded from ‘anyone’ and demand you tell them what’s going on, is also a sign they need to be released, cut off, and cut out of your life.
That is a narcissist control technique that compromises your personal health and wellbeing, especially with victim narcissists projecting their drama and negativity and trying to hold you accountable for how they are, and making you responsible for causing them to worry.
F*CK THAT! Love yourself enough to put an end to that by disengaging – release, cut off, or block if necessary. Your whole being wellbeing deserves love, support, kindness, compassion, and inspiration, all the things that motivate you, in a healthy way, to do better, to learn, to heal, to grow.
Love,
C